Fraudian Slip

I have become something of a vigilante hero this week.

No, I haven't been mistakenly beating up pediatricians and I haven't been dressing up as Batman and rounding up brightly-attired criminal masterminds.

But what I have done, twice in a week now, is prevent fraudsters from scamming innocent cashpoint users by detecting that a young rascal has placed a cheeky gadget on the card slot.

The gadget in question you can see here above. It sits neatly over the normal card slot, and is even cunningly 'painted' in a sort of scuzzy black/metallic pattern that the actual card slot has - it's actually quite difficult to notice that there is anything wrong with the cashpoint at first inspection.

So cunningly concealed is the device, that on Tuesday morning, I put my debit card through it, typed in my pin number and asked for £50 (Yes that's right, £50. I like to carry a bit of extra money just in case I need to donate it to someone dressed as a fucking teddy bear carrying a bucket on my way to work).

Now, all seemed to be going swimmingly, the bank had decided I was credit-worthy (always a relief - I never know when my numerous regular charity direct debits are coming out you see) and told me to take my card and await my crisp notes below.



Problem though - the card was not returned. I could hear it trying to eject, but nothing came out. It was then that I realised what had happened.

FRAUD!

The card slot had seemed a bit stiff when I put the card in, but I hadn't really paid it a second thought. Now here I was, feeling helpless and scammed, with a trapped card and £50 just behind the screen. If I walked away, I knew there was someone hanging around somewhere ready to pounce and remove the device, thus gaining my trapped card and also subsequently releasing the £50 into his spindly, filthy, Fagin-like fingers.

Well, I simply wasn't having that.



Fraud Device!



It took me a few minutes of exasperated clutching and grasping, but eventually with the help of my keys I prised the fucker off the card slot. I suffered for my fraud-busting too, finger-tips covered with still-setting superglue and a slashed open thumb (as evidenced in photo number 2, above).

But I had beaten the crook and his merry game. I looked around me in smug defiance, knowing the brute was almost certainly still lurking somewhere, looking on in annoyance. I even held up the device in the air for him to see, as my trophy. By now my face was seven shades of smug. I'd beaten him. A true victory for the man in the street.

Well, a victory for the man in the street who wasn't a thieving shit lurking in the shadows waiting to steal my fucking money, that is.

As soon as I'd prised the device off, the cashpoint obviously recognised there had been some tampering and shut down, instructed me not to re-enter my pin and did not dispense the cash.

Later that day I returned to the bank and handed over the fraud-device, explaining the events. It was a pretty good job that I did because having checked the CCTV footage the police were currently looking for a portly chap in an Oxford United beanie hat who had been angrily gouging away at the card slot that morning with his keys.

I informed them that I was not the miscreant they were looking for, and to rewind the camera 10mins to find the culprit, as when I got there the glue was still wet. I received a couple of pats on the back for my efforts from the bank clerk. I thought that was a bit patronising to be honest though.

Well would you believe it dear reader, but this very morning I went to the same cashpoint, and low and behold, a similar device was again in place. Out came the keys - off came the device. 2-0 to FMO, eat that fraudster!

My only regret is that I didn't catch the scammer. But I will do.

Tomorrow I will be pretending to put my card in, then pretending to act frustrated and walking immediately off.

I shall then hide around the corner and pounce on the culprit when he emerges to take my card and money.
"Haha! I have got you, you swine!" I shall exclaim.
"It's a fair cop, let's go to the nearest police station" shall be the retort. Either that or he'll stab me and run off.

Fall to your knees and tremble cashpoint scammers, for from hereon in I shall be known as -

THE FRUADSMELLER PURSUIVANT!

The cashpoint in question is the RBS cashpoint on High Holborn - opposite the Princess Louise pub, for those that know the area.

Do be careful, citizens! I cannot be there 24/7 to save you, unfortunately.