Unclaimed Bloggage

Maybe I'll start doing these every other day.

In truth I think it may have been a bit ambitious trying to do an entry 5 times a week. Truth is sometimes I have actual work to do, so until this starts paying for itself I'll have to at times put it on the back-burner.

Plus of course, sometimes I really don't have anything interesting to say. Today the only thing interesting I've got in the locker is that I left my bag on the train this morning.

"That's not interesting either, FMO" I hear you say.

Well, you may think that now but you have yet to hear the full story - it might actually be quite an interesting tale! So away we go...

Upon arrival at #FeralAshford International at approximately 8.21am this morning, I proceeded as normal off the train and down the platform stairs. Arriving at the bottom of said stairs, I realised I'd foolishly left my bag on my seat. This was a £40 satchel that contained some thermal gloves and a lunchtime apple snack - so it would clearly be a substantial loss to me if I did not retrace my steps and retrieve the bag.

I bounded back up the stairs and was in luck, the train was still there - so I jumped onboard and went back to the seat I'd just been sat in. No bag. Fuck. I hurriedly looked around closer still. No bag. Fuck Fuck. The train door started beeping to say it was about to lock. Fuck Fuck Fuck! I just managed to get the open button pressed in time to return to the platform, where I remained in a harried and dishevelled state as I saw the train doors unlocked sign go out.

Then - a hearty knock on the window from within the train from a young lady. Her male companion was stood in the aisle holding my bag up and I faintly heard them shouting "Is this your bag?"

"YES!" I cried in return - only to see the bag start moving down the platform along with the train that still contained it. As I watched my bag disappear down the tracks, I now knew exactly how the children in the His Dark Materials universe felt when they were separated from their Dæmons.

All is not lost I thought - that sprightly young fellow will surely hand in my bag to the train guard, explain the situation to him and at the next station the train guard will hand it to a platform guard, explain the situation to him, who in turn will hand it to the next train guard returning to #FeralAshford, explain the situation to him, who will in turn hand it to a platform guard when he arrives, explain the situation to him, who will in turn deposit the bag with lost property in #FeralAshford, explain it to the lost property attendant, who will in turn store the bag there for me until my return this evening to collect it.

You'd think it would be that simple anyway. But no, not with Southeastern Bastard Trains.

When I returned later I was told nothing had been handed in anywhere down the line. Also, they were not able to get a message out to the train guard who might then put a message across in the train asking for it to be handed to him. Apparently they would have done this had it been medication, but because it was only an apple and some gloves they weren't going to do this. Cunts! I have cold hands and I'm fucking hungry!

If I now get frostbite and scurvy because of this I will sue the arse out of you, Southeastern Trains.

I will let you know what happens (As I know you are all on tenterhooks to see the conclusion of this thriller), but for now I am Sad Sack Sans Sac. :o(