Save The Date!

I can't believe I've been wasting my time arguing with myself about voting reform for the past few weeks. Why didn't I do something more worthwhile with my time?

You see, it was my last chance to do something - because the end of the world starts tomorrow. No, seriously it does. May 21st 2011. End of the World.

I guess if you hadn't known, that will have come as quite a shock. Sorry about that, but I didn't really know how to break softly to you the news of the coming of Armageddon.

For those who haven't heard - Another raving religious fucking lunatic has managed to get more media attention than he deserves by declaring The Rapture will occur tomorrow.

This guy is called Harold Camping, and he's positive he's got it right this time (after already making an incorrect proclamation in 1994).

End of The World: AWESOME!

You can read about it all right here, at Harold Camping's 'Family Radio' website. So, what are the signs that has led Harold to believe we are at The End of Days? Well, amongst other things;

"The re-establishment of National Israel in 1948, the emergence of the 'Gay Pride Movement', and the complete disregard of the Bible in all of society today".

Wow. So why did Jesus want to wait so long to come back and save us? Why didn't he come back before the Jews and the gays had had chance to establish themselves?

Surely he should have looked down in 1948 and gone "Hey, hang on a minute! That holocaust thing a few years ago might have been a bit close to the bone, but this establishment of a state of Israel takes the fucking biscuit! Prepare for The Rapture, Dad, I'm going in!"

Perhaps he missed that at the time. But could he really have missed all the gay pride marches for the past 30 years? You'd have thought, after seeing one he'd have stepped in and said "That's it now guys, you've gone too far. I'm taking my buddies up with me now so stop bumming."

Perhaps it's just got worse and worse over the years, and this year's marching season was just too camp, even for a liberal-minded guy like Jesus. Either way, he's fucking had enough of it all, and he's coming back, people.

So, now we've established that Judgement Day is tomorrow - what can we expect? Let's go back to our Family Radio website for the answers:


"On May 21, 2011 two events will occur....the one more wonderful than can be imagined; the other more horrific than can be imagined."

Harold Camping: silly old cunt.

Well firstly - let me just stop you there, Harold old chum. You should know that I have a pretty vivid imagination, especially after seeing SAW III.

"A great earthquake will occur the Bible describes it as "such as was not since men were upon the earth, so mighty an earthquake, and so great." "

OK, so according to the list of most powerful earthquakes ever - we are talking 9.5 magnitude or above here. That is some serious shit.

 "This earthquake will be so powerful it will throw open all graves. The remains of the all the believers who have ever lived will be instantly transformed into glorified spiritual bodies to be forever with God."

OK, sounds like I should have my camera ready for this!

"On the other hand the bodies of all unsaved people will be thrown out upon the ground to be shamed."Oh, now that's a bit harsh. All this because Jesus doesn't like Jews and gays? Can't he just go to a BNP rally or something and get it out of his system that way?

"The inhabitants who survive this terrible earthquake will exist in a world of horror and chaos beyond description."

Are we all going to be forced to move to Swindon?

"Each day people will die until October 21, 2011 when God will completely destroy this earth and its surviving inhabitants."

Hand of God: Terry Butcher is still fucked off with it.

Seems a bit like throwing your toys out of the pram from old God there. Couldn't he just send another flood or something? Mind you, 5 months in Swindon and I'm sure we'll all be welcoming the end.
You feel silly now, don't you? You atheist idiots! You are going to be kicking yourselves tomorrow when you wake up to do your normal round of blaspheming and fornicating, only to find Jesus at the end of your bed with a disappointed look on his face.

But hang on - what if (and I know it's a silly question!) May 21st ends and nothing has occurred?

The Biblical evidence is too overwhelming and specific to be wrong. Christ's people can look with great confidence to this date...Judgment Day on May 21, 2011 will occur because the bible declares it. Anyone whom God has not saved will arrive at that day with no hope for salvation. God warns simply the "door will be shut."

Well, that pretty much sorts that out then. So, assuming all these godly folks won't be around after tomorrow, and us heathens are fucked anyway, I suggest we all go around to their houses today and take all their stuff. They won't need it in heaven after all - and we could all still get up to 5 months' use out of it all. It's a win-win situation for us all. Well, until God kills us of course.

Then again - it might just not be true. This video is quite a good riposte.

JESUS IS COMING, PEOPLE. Prepare yourselves.