Zoo Are My Everything

Regular readers may have noticed I've started tracking how many people visit this blog, by way of the counter, to the right over there              --------------------->

See it? It's right there, yes that's it, the box with the numbers in it.
What many of you probably don't know however, is that I can also now track where you are in the world, and how you have got to my website.

If you got here through a search engine, it even pulls up details of what search term was used to end up here.

This has led to some interesting revelations.

As you can see from the above, my core demographic appears to be people interested in washed up ex-Football star Paul Gascoigne and fucking animals.

What is wrong with you people?

I mean, Paul Gascoigne? Really?!!! (Ho ho ho, I am very funny).

To be honest though, it's not the craving for online bestiality that surprises me in itself, as much as what type of bestiality has brought people here.

Zoophilia rabbit / Rabbit-loving.
Seriously? How does that work? What sort of carrot incentive would that require? Two separate searches for Rabbit-love so it's clearly a popular pursuit.

Cartoon zoophilia.
What, so it's not just animals, but imaginary ones for this guy (or girl)? I guess talking cartoon animals could at least consent.

At last, an answer to the question "What's Up, Doc?"

Lady fucking with Ox. 
An Ox? Really? Now, I know you may think I have a natural affinity for the Ox for toponymical* reasons, but they are hardly the most beautiful of creatures, and certainly an odd one to inspire sexual lust.

I mean, I can just about understand someone looking at a horse and thinking "My, what a beautiful, noble creature that is. I'd love to see it shafting someone."

But an Ox? A dirty, shaggy haired, stinking old Ox? Someone saw this in a field and thought "oooh yeah baby, lets Get. It. On."


Musk Ox: Arousing.

 Is this the bestiality equivalent of granny porn?

Hampster[sic] big arse small waist.
So, with this feller/lady, it's not just Hamsters that get them going - oh no! It's Hamsters with big butts. They just love the way they shake it in their rotastak! Is that a stash of nuts in your cheeks or are you pleased to see me?

This visitor was from Australia, by the way. Just thought that needed highlighting.

Hammy the Hamster: Bootylicious.

I guess what should really alarm me though is the fact that these queries seem to end up at my blog. What started out as a blog about random, everyday events in my life has turned into a homing beacon for all the freaks, sickos and nutters of the online world.

Zoophillia chatrooms worldwide are posting links to my blog, egging on newbies to seek out my stories about cartoon animal sex and ladies fucking oxen.

Of course, I've probably made it worse now, with this entry, haven't I?

So, I might as well see what other depravities I can attract to this site with a few choice, searchable phrases:

Raccoon dogging.
Necrophiliac Vultures.
Horny Aardvark.
Jellyfish Bukkake.
Barely Legal Duck-Billed Platypus.
Lobsters: Whores of the Sea.

I'll let you know how it goes... 




*Yes, that is a big word isn't it? Look it up here. And don't say you never learn anything from visiting this blog.