Die Hammond, Die.

Do you know what really fucks me off? The Fucking Daily Mail.

I know it's become rather passé to hate the Daily Mail- it seems these days it's more cool and trendy to be dismissive of those that hate the Daily Mail.

But I don't care. In fact, I intend to try and start a new trend of a backlash against these 'neo-trendies'. Starting now.

What got my goat recently though was an article I searched out from last August after I watched Stewart Lee perform his latest stand-up routine about Richard 'The Hamster' Hammond earlier this week.

Now, I'm going to give it to you straight (like a pear cider made from 100% pears*), I don't like Richard 'The Hamster' Hammond. Actually I wish he HAD died in that crash.

Now this is basically what Stewart Lee said in his routine; he said he wished Hammond had died in the car crash and elaborately described how he wished his death had been terribly drawn out and painful.

Now for those offended out there, he didn't actually believe this. He was parodying the predilection of the "It's PC gone mad" brigade (i.e. Top Gear fans & Daily Mail readers) to explain away their own rude, obnoxious, racist & homophobic crap as "it's just a joke". By extending this diatribe against Hammond to a ridiculous degree he is very accurately parodying & ripping apart the time-worn defence of the politically incorrect that the liberals should 'lighten up as it's just a bit of fun'.

Lee also told a story about Hammond being a shit whilst they were at school together. He afterwards told the audience that despite them actually being at school together, he didn't know him at all and the story was all made-up for the routine.

But obviously, the Daily Mail in their typical manner decide it's worth whipping up into a storm and claim that there was "speculation that their shared school experience may have prompted Lee’s diatribe."

Where did this speculation originate then? I'll tell you where it originated, in the fucking keyboard of the bastard journalist!

The very last sentence of the article even quotes Lee's spokeswoman as saying "I don’t think they knew each other at school." Thereby pretty much ending any 'speculation' of a long-standing grudge.

What annoys me though is that this is not just lazy journalism- It was not that it was badly researched or missing key information, as is often levied at these scurrilous sections of the media.

It's basically knowing exactly what has happened, realising it's a non-story and thus trying to squeeze something out of it that doesn't exist before backing down pathetically in the last sentence with a "yeah, but it probably didn't happen like that really".

Wankers!

For what it's worth though - I thought Lee's routine was crass and in extremely bad taste - and I hope the fat, ageing & no-longer relevant comic dies in his sleep tonight. Although I hope he wakes up briefly just before he dies and has some agonising pain in his balls as well.

Ha, do you see what I was doing? I was parodying the parody! ha!

Someone put me on the stage.




*an in joke there for those that have seen the routine. I love in-jokes.